Sperm Bank Baby…

Hey, I got a question on the blog that I’d like to pose for your opinion…

Is it acceptable for a Christian to have a baby through sperm bank? If you are a single, able woman who does not want anything to do with men and doesn’t want to get married can you choose sperm bank baby?

So, please comment… what do you think!

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43 responses to “Sperm Bank Baby…

  1. children are a gift from God in a marriage. Children are not just the property of their mothers. they need their fathers too! I don’t think it’s fair to deny a child the father, just because you can. No matter how bad your father is, he is unfortunately the one person that gives someone their sense of identity. how many times are you asked your surname by someone who wants to know exactly whose you are??

  2. I believe God’s plan was for men and women to be fruitful and multiply that’s what He told Adam and Eve and just before that I think He had joined them together as one. I think the plan from Eden was for men and women to have children in the context of marriage. Not so much because God’s wants to cramp our stlye but I think He made both men and women with unique abilities to influence the life of their young and the only way this influence would be passed on is when a man and a woman live together and have children.

  3. Hey,

    Not commenting on the Sperm Bank thing, though I think if you really want a child, and you dont like me, try adopting. The only problem is we may have pink men and ‘whatever’ ladies that come up from it. Both parents are crucial, atleast now i appreciate mine.

    I am looking at a serious investment portfolio (about 15k :)) and i would like the PDF thingy you once put on the blog for personal finance. Do you think you can hook me up. And then when you are ready to go “The NEXT BIG MOVE” please holla at me so that i also give something like the guys who gave for the relocation.

    Thank you Sir,

    MM

  4. there is this verse that says, as much as it’s up to you, live at peace with all men (authors paraphrase).

    i think babies are to be born into a home.i think it’s proper to provide a suitable environment for one’s offspring to flourish.from there the child can therefore make choices but as much as it was up to you, you made the proper choice of providing a suitable environment.

    so if that baby is conceived in the normal way (like Paul in the Bible-had to through that one in) or by sperm bank (in vivo or ex vivo) or by adoption or by surrogate delivery(like Ishmael in the bible)…provided he/she is born into a loving, suitable environment i see no wrong.

    But if the child is being born into a “family” with the mother only who does not want anything to do with men (seed carriers) i see a messed up life already.

    great post.you can share your thoughts on stem cell research.

  5. I do not claim to be an expert on this topic but this is what I think. Jesus was concieved (of the holy spirit) through Mary without sexual intercourse with Joseph. Why did God find it necessary to have Joseph raise Jesus if he was not part of concieving him?
    It was necessary so that Chirsts life would be rich and wholesome.I bet that Joseph taught Jesus carpentry.
    I think that as much as we desire to have children and still honour God, the children we raise ought to have a father.This is different from the case where women/men find themselves raising children alone following a failed marraige or death of the spouse.In this case a mother/father figure is necessary.
    So if we have to choose, lets choose to have a child raised by both parents.

  6. I must admit the question presents quite a dilemma.There are children who are conceived through rape. A number of singles have also opted to adopt and raise a child on their own. In the former case the lady did not exercise her free will choice. In the later case, a lady may have desired to get married but did not have a mate (there was no man willing to make a commitment of marriage at the time of adoption).

    That said, bringing a child into the world and raising a child are two different issues. Life is sacred and the creation of life is sacred as well. As far as it concerns the exercise of our free will choice, we honour God and his intended plan for procreation when a consenting man and woman come together in the context of marriage to bring forth life.

    It seems to me the issue here is more an issue of the person’s heart than merely that of raising a child and providing them with what they need to succeed in life. If she dealt with the issue of antagonism towards men, may be she would get a better perspective of things. She would be able to see it from a different perspective and opt for another way of acquiring and raising children that pays more attention to her relationship with God, the welfare of the child (who has no choice in the matter), and her own welfare in totality.

    She is only one of stakeholders in this affair.The fact that she gets to make the choice does not negate the reality of how everyone else is affected physically, emotionally and spiritually. It’s a big responsibility that needs to be taken solemnly.

  7. My main concern would be my lady friend’s heart. Many of us were brought up in single-parent homes, though not ideal, and are somewhat okay (or so i think). If i ever considered taking the sperm bank route, i would have to truthfully answer several questions: 1. what is my motive in doing this? 2. What will i declare about God in the process? 3. what is God’s truth regarding men, marriage, and children? 4. am i walking in God’s grace or my pride?

  8. i think it is not a good idea because we are told in the bible to go and fill the earth and that man and woman shall leave their parents and be one and i think it does not matter what men have done to you we should not conform to the patterns of this world so don’t do it

  9. God is extremely organised. he doesn’t have “haiya!” moments, when something comes up and he has no idea how to react to it. He thought everything out and made all things as they are for a purpose. that said, surely He must have had a reason for choosing to introduce children into a family with two parents (of opposite sex) after Creation.

    some of the things i might take into account:
    what does the child stand to lose in not having a dad around? is this loss significant? what if the lady later decides to get married? are there any implications to that? finally, that unborn child, if we were to reach them right now and ask them:”would you like to be born into a single-parent family or a family with both your parents?” how would it answer?

    at the risk of sounding harsh, is the lady selfish? is she placing her own interests (dislike for men) before those of the said child?

    whereas the sperm bank baby is not unacceptable, my thoughts are that we should trust God and His order of things. when we go against this order, we suffer for it. in this case who stands to suffer more: the mother or the baby?

  10. i think that the lady in the sperm bank story has let fear and doubt take over her system. past experiences have replaced the innocence and love in her heaert with fear. its sad because someone closing their heart to you should not tempt us to close our own hearts but many time it does. i think that she should work on getting over her fears and let love back in her life then she will find she wont need the sperm bank

  11. Hallo,

    Eccles 7:29 says that ‘God made man plain and simple but man has made himself very complicated’ (New English Version) The other versions of the bible bring it out in a different way.

    Man has ended up complicating himself in an attempt to simplify life. The more we become technologically advanced, the more we loose touch with God and the true meaning of life on earth.

    We have adopted an ATM mode of quick fix life. We want answers immediately and in the amounts requested for and how we want them. Man today wants to engage in unsafe sex and still believe that HIV infects other ‘unsophisticated’ people.

    Do you want a baby or you hate men? The desire to have a baby is not the problem, it is your attitude towards men that is a big problem. This is a problem you wont solve how and when you want to by getting a baby via sperm donor. You have to confront this demon you see in men or else it will haunt you in future. Getting a baby will be like cutting the stem and leave the roots intact, the problem will shoot in various shades and sizes in other aspects of your life.

    Do not complicate the problem further, deal with it systematically and when you feel the issue of men is sorted in your life, you will be ready to get a baby then you will be better placed to talk about the options of how and when to have a baby. it is not a quick fix, it will be a process, but it is worth it.

    PEACE

  12. “Without the love and relationship of our earthly fathers, We will never be able to experience and conceptualize the love and relationship of our Heavenly Father”

    Refer to Ephesians 6:1-4 ( Relationships and Instructions to both Mothers & Fathers)
    Proverbs 3:11-12 (KJV)

  13. Hi all, thanks for all the comments. Please keep them coming! The idea here is not to ‘solve’ the problem or agree on everything but to share different perspectives and ideas and in the process learn. So far, most of the comments seem to be against the idea…

    @MM,do you remember the specific pdf? Not sure which one you’re referring to. This is actually not a bad time to be an investor…

  14. I say that she can go for it.

    For example, a woman who was raped, conceived and brought up a child may opt to go ahead and have another. She may have her demons to deal with, but if men are repulsive to her she can choose to bring her kid into the world any way she wants and bring the child up in fear of the Lord.

    What about surrogate motherhood? Most times, those women don’t mind sperm-banking, or helping their sisters/friends out.

    The challenge would be the “bringing out the masculinity/femininity” part that Pastor Simon spoke about. That’s the job of a man or father figure.

  15. i desagree and i fill as a christian woman she should not go for the sperm bank reason being
    its not scriptural.
    its not fulfilling
    and it takes away mens kingship and makes it her role and thats not Gods intention.
    it by passes the lead of what God gave us to fill the earth thats through sexual intercorse.
    incase she delivers the baby? it will not have a male figure in his or her own life.

    but i ask my self how can i help her.

    i would like to find the root cause of wanting a sperm baby.
    i want to belive the reason that she wants it is because she hates men clearly she has been hurt more than once and she is tired of men .she is lacking the male figure.

    one she should genuinely turn back to God and ask for Gods mercies to forgive all those men who have hurt her

    she should look for a mentor who will be a figure in her life and also have friends who will stand with her emotionaly.
    and lastly she should come to church there are good and delivered men mostly those who come to gedions torch.

  16. I see two issues, one wanting to have a baby, the other not wanting anything to do with men.
    I think like any major step in life, we must evaluate ourselves and seek out out motives. Psalms 139…search me Oh Lord and know me try me and know my anxious thoughts and if there is any wickedness in me, lead me in the way of eternal life (other versions say ‘righteousness)
    Unfortunately in the life we live in, one thing usually leads to another. If you want to have a baby and are not right about men, how about if you get a male child, how will that change anything, through a sperm bank or wherever?
    I think this would be a different discussion had it been, “I think God is asking me to have a child through a sperm bank.”
    Ask many questions, will getting a child right now be best for you, or the child? Think of the child.(Whether or not you go through a sperm bank, because I don’t think sperm bank is the root issue)
    It is not a black and white answer,so evaluate yourself, clean out your motives, be right with men (and women) so you don’t drag your child and make them face the ‘demons’ in your life. Get the children into the safest environment possible (mostly I mean spiritually)sperm bank or no sperm bank.

  17. Dear Pastor Muriethi,
    Warmest Greetings to you in the name of our wonderful lord Jesus,
    I hope this Email finds you well and blessed of The lord,
    My name is Rev Gabriel Ombok of The Bible Mission Africa Based in Umoja Estate in Nairobi.
    Servant of God have been praying for a while and i needed to seek Audience with you in regards to Ministry Matters and Guidance
    I wanted to book An appointment whichever dates to do finds well with you.

    I do have A church built on 100By 20 meter of Plot in Umoja I do have a good number of Congregation and well managed Board and Staff
    We do have our own Equipments Stage and car for ministry.
    The reason for contacting you is in regards to Mentor ship as well Covering for now i have been under Bishop Muiru for 5 Years We started from Scratch and have worked hard to see the church grow upto this level of 200 members the main problem is Bishops availability for proper guidance and direction as a spiritual Father and this is a great risk to a Church and leadership. Am looking prayerfully of standing with Mavuno Church by setting a branch Church in this area of east land area for the glory of The lord. i do have active youth and is ready to join your ministry and be under observation until proved submissive and aligned to Mavuno Vision.what attracted me to your ministry is the mode of Praise and worship and Theaters ministry
    Id love to meet with you any time as the lords leads you so we can share more.I look forward to sharing more with you soon

    kindly I hope to read from you soon
    Blessings to you man of God.
    Rev Gabriel Ombok

  18. Interesting question… very interesting!

    I have never thought about it actually but whenever I hear of sperm banks on television, I just think, ai! will the children be really complete as in real children or they will be somewhat androids with a lot of diseases and be very fragile…

    But its interesting how if you are 30 and have had pink issues that the craving for a child is just unbelievable… I guess its nature taking its due cause.

  19. @ Kenyatta
    just a point i thought i’d raise. i don’t believe”the more we become technologically advanced, the more we loose touch with God and the true meaning of life on earth.” for many reasons. like sm1 has said, God does not have “haiya” moments.scripture says in Daniel that in the last days knowledge and the speed of men will increase (author’s paraphrase).

    i believe the decision to draw closer is to God is a personal choice and He in response draws toward you (a verse in James) coz we have the gospel in music, videos, internet, books….

    you can look at the universe with your naked eye, a telescope or a microscope and see the glory of God or you can just see matter (to be canally minded 1corithians…)

    that said, i got to think pasi, if that question was in my KCSE ethics exam and it was the compulsory one being 30marks and asked in the positive “why should a single lady get a baby from a sperm bank(discuss)-30marks”.I’d lie with these answers:

    1)reduced HIV infection rates (2)increased employment (3)reduced family financial strains (4)elimination of weak human breeds (5)better looking earthlings (6)i could go on…

  20. One of the links that is automatically generated- (see above)is (Why I want to always be there for my children (part II)- it provides an interesting insight from a child born as a result of the mums visit to the sperm Bank- I am pasting it here- it is an interesting read……….Here it is…..
    When she was 32, my mother — single, and worried that she might never marry and have a family — allowed a doctor wearing rubber gloves to inject a syringe of sperm from an unknown man into her uterus so that she could have a baby. I am the result: a donor-conceived child.

    And for a while, I was pretty angry about it.

    I was angry at the idea that where donor conception is concerned, everyone focuses on the “parents” — the adults who can make choices about their own lives. The recipient gets sympathy for wanting to have a child. The donor gets a guarantee of anonymity and absolution from any responsibility for the offspring of his “donation.” As long as these adults are happy, then donor conception is a success, right?

    Not so. The children born of these transactions are people, too. Those of us in the first documented generation of donor babies — conceived in the late 1980s and early ’90s, when sperm banks became more common and donor insemination began to flourish — are coming of age, and we have something to say.

    I’m here to tell you that emotionally, many of us are not keeping up. We didn’t ask to be born into this situation, with its limitations and confusion. It’s hypocritical of parents and medical professionals to assume that biological roots won’t matter to the “products” of the cryobanks’ service, when the longing for a biological relationship is what brings customers to the banks in the first place.

    We offspring are recognizing the right that was stripped from us at birth — the right to know who both our parents are.

    And we’re ready to reclaim it.

  21. wow..funny but we were discussing this topic with some of my friends sometime back and we never really came to a conclusion..all the women were for the idea and the guys were not..now that ive had time to think about it inow see why i believe its a single womans right to have kids if she wants to…the truth is it comes from the bitterness and scars from previous relationships..i think deep down thats the reaason iwas for the idea…iwould rather invest in a child than put my heart out there and begin a new relationship …so for me that doesnt solve the problem..as kenyatta said the problem is my attitude towards men..so many of us are christians and still preach the mantra that there are no good men out there…i pray that as icontinue to heal from my past realtionships and that if God chooses to bless me with kids it will be through his way instead of me visiting a sperm bank and making a statement that im single and dont need men!!ok enough blabber hope im making some sense….

  22. my honest opinion, I would consider having a sperm bank baby, not just because of the pink men issue but also the fact that some homes are better off without fathers. we have fatherless children in a home where the husbands and wives are present…how many single parents do we have in a couple living together, trust me they are many…If it takes a sperm bank to make sure my children do not go through what I went through then it would be an option for me…but then I ask myself must I have children? why not adopt the many who are rejected?…think think think….

  23. To have a sperm bank baby or not to have a sperm bank baby as a single Christian lady? That is a good question.

    I honour your desire to have a baby, a baby is a gift and a blessing from God and I think that there’s nothing as cute as a little one whom I have been part of giving life to. It’s a privilege to experience this.

    I recognise this deeply felt, God given desire to have a child of one’s own but I have a few concerns when it comes to having a baby as a single Christian lady through a sperm bank.

    First, it would mean that you may feel the need to constantly explain your circumstance especially if you have been seeking to live a godly celibate life. Your testimony of a virtuous lifestyle would be put to doubt. Is this something that you would want to be public news? What would be the impact on your child when s/he gets to find out that they are a product of this process? People can sometimes be cold or nasty and your child may get to hear of it in a not so nice way or be teased about it.

    Secondly, there is the issue of the role that a father plays in the life of a child. I recognise that there are many men out there that are not fulfilling their God given mandate of fatherhood yet they have been blest with children. But this does not in itself negate the role that a father is to play in their children’s life. Our first impressions of fatherhood are gained from our fathers and we transmit that image (good and/or bad) to God the Father. It is thus vital to have this ‘father figure’ in your child’s life.

    Thirdly, with a sperm bank one may not know the full history of the man that donated the sperm medical and otherwise. Later on in life this information may be vital yet totally inaccessible. Your child as a teenager or young adult will seek to understand their roots, where they come from and why they act in certain ways especially if s/he takes on more traits of the father than of you. This would be traumatic for your child.

    Finally, there are so many babies that are in need of a good loving Christian home that I would encourage you to adopt. Because though a husband-wife led family is the ideal, a single parent loving household is still better than an institution to raise a child.

    Allow God to deal with the issues that are making you not want to have a man in your life. Let God who is our Healer, cause His healing and wholeness to flow into your life. Such that when the time is right and He either brings a wonderful man to marry you and father your children or opens a door for you to adopt a child, you will be in a good space. You will be able to offer that child a loving environment with good male companionship that would bless the child’s life.

  24. Woiye! I feel her pain,hence her drastic decisions. However like most people have advised the root cause needs to be addressed. Healing needs to occur and just like Christ forgives her every time she sins, she too needs to realise that she is able to forgive the men that have hurt her. Only then can she start developing healthy relationships that do not leave her feeling angry, bitter or abused.(mentally, emotionally or physically) I also hope she realises she has a part to play in the choices she makes of the kind of men she allows into her life. Once she accepts partial responsibility, she will then control the effects these men have on her life. The wounded soul needs to heal before bringing another child into the wounded environment. God designed sex and marriage for a purpose. He is able to bring a suitable man into her life if she only gives God a chance. I strongly encourage her to sign up for Alabastron.It is a journey of healing and renewing self for women that will allow her to let go of the baggage and start over refreshed.In God’s time he makes all things beautiful!

  25. And what about the men who want a baby whithout a woman? Are there ladies who want to carry my baby out and hand it over to me that I can raise it?

  26. I am giving my views not from judgemental but from my personal point of view. I have been praying for a Godly man and till now God has not gotten back to me on that..its either No or wait..till when? I dont know.The same God created a biological clock in me and a yearning to bear kids.The same God created man with brains to use it to his Glory! I have thought of sperm bank because, I have yearned to give birth, i do not want to get into the arrangements of just sleeping with someone for their seed as that would lead to fornication, not mentioning risk of HIV. With the sperm bank, I am able to get a baby, using the technology God created! I do not see anything unethical about it..the only problem would be if i was doing it because I dont want anything to do with men. I do want a Godly man and get kids in a marriage but if its not happening what to do? Adapting will not take away the yearning to bear kids, i might need the faith of Sarah to wait…

  27. the thought has crossed my mind, freeze my eggs while i run with the career thing, then later IVF and boom!baby!.also indeed there’s a dearth of good guys. or maybe God’s timing just isn’t ours. in the ideal world, there’d be no need for this, a family with a dad, mom would be perfect for a child. BUT here we are in a fallen world, absent/ abusive/pink men. i dunno, being a bit of an idealist,i wouldn’t be too happy with the lot of explaining and solo parenting, i would have to do..maybe its not in the child’s interests.
    i probably don’t sound very shpiri, but there’s my 2 cents

  28. @ GERD, interesting angle, but huna hizo rights. the woman carries the child for 9 months.its a 20-80 situation where , yours is 20..;-)ok,am kidding

  29. @ Bosimi, I’ve done quite a lot of research about adoption. From that and experience (personal and that of others – both married and single) I been surprised to find that adopting does go a long way in helping with the yearning to have children.

    @ N, not sure I was looking for a conclusion, more an opportunity to hear what others think and to learn from the different opinions 🙂

    If I was pushed, I’d probably go with @ Lady L, who very graciously summarized what many others have said.

  30. I come in late on this one

    God is NEVER a fool.
    He created MAN and woman.
    Because God is not a fool find out why he created a man.
    Maybe you are angry with what one man did to you and therefore generalize on all men.
    God loves you and wants to be involved in your healing. Just ask him.
    there are good men out there who can father a child(ren)

  31. Question closely related to this one??but looking at it from another perspective.
    If someone has kidney failure and through technology is able to get a donor? is that going against Gods will who has let his kidneys fail hence leading to a fast death? along the same lines, is getting a sperm donation bad??? just wondering, the issue of explaining to the kid not withstanding as i believe once its common and accepted it wont be an issue weather i as born of test tube or sperm donation….and when we say you dont know the character of the sperm donor, does it mean our fate is sealed by our parents genes or can we with Gods help draw a meaningful path??? just wondering. Because I think in this world we learn to say something is right or wrong based on the package..yet its just a package..so kidney..sperm..heart..all are the same…just a thought!

  32. Interesting question… Here’s another. What do you do with the baby when you realise that having it did not solve the problem you intended it to solve? You will now have two problems. What’s next? Hmmm… Since I hate men and sperm bank babies I think I will… (Insert problem/wrong path 3 here…)

  33. I remember watching a feature story on BBC late last year, about a woman in the UK that had a baby conceived through a sperm bank. Her son was autistic and there was no autism in her family. While research hasn’t conclusively proven that autism in genetic, it builds a fairly strong case inclining scientific opinion to believe it will be proven in time. This mother sought to establish whether her sperm donor may have been autistic or had autism in his family. According to the feature, UK law forbids sperm banks to disclose the identity or genetic information of sperm donors, but they are allowed to disclose the identities of other receipients of the same donor, on the condition that those women are willing. In this mother’s case, the women were willing, she got the information and she tracked down 5 other women who had been recipients of the same sperm donor. All 5 women had autistic children.

    Why is this relevant to my opinion? I do not know how God views this issue. I do know, however, that God has given us wisdom and his expectation is that we will use it. Wisdom suggests that if you intend to nurture a wholesome, healthy child, you ought to (at the very least) know who the father of your child is. If there are things in the family history that could come to bear on that child’s future it is the responsibility of any parent to want to know.

    So, while I do not have a moral opinion for or against sperm bank conception, I stand on the side of God-given wisdom.

  34. I am learning to be tolerant of diverse views while remaining anchored in scripture.I think it is possible for the lady to be healed and still want/need a sperm donor.It is not only out of anger that one opts for something like this..though that may be a major driving force it is not the only force.Soceity is often very insensitive to the plight of differnt individuals..a friends husband said to me..its amazing how women gather together and you hear them categorically speaking about spacing kids or family planning..or asking other married women ,why are you waiting for so long?I heard a guy joke between 2 husbands..kwani u r shooting blanks? There’s people who would like children married/single who may need this option.What a comfort to know God is not judgemental and that His good perfect and pleasing will is best for us.I don’t know that I can dismiss or accept the sperm bank option..but I can seek to learn and understand.What’s all the pressure we put on ourselves to have children anyway? Maybe people wouldn’t be so driven to explore such avenues if they did not feel the need to have kids.African soceity in particular puts undue pressure on men and women without children irrespective of their marital status

  35. Woishe, it would be heldpful to try and understand the circumstances that would make a woman opt to have a baby on her own, without the reason being that she hates men.

    lets look around, how many women over the age of 25 yrs remain unmarrried yet pining for a mate? Educated earning well, but without any hope of husbands. Sometimes I wonder whether too much success is a curse for women, because men take to the hills and prefer those below their status especially economically. Listen to all the prayer requests on our christian stations, and majority are for suitable busbands.

    How are we as women to proceed without being judged too harshly?

    As someone said earlier, the biological clock is ticking, its not the same for men. So please try to understand us.

    Pastor M, some churches in shags used to arrange courtships (where the elders saw two needy people that could fulfil God’s purpose in this way)leading to marriages as a ministry and most of these worked. I wonder if we are too modern to do this? But ooh., just look at the need and what God’s children are resorting to do to try and satisfy it?

  36. I do not mean to change the subject, but how do you guys feel about the use of a sperm donor within a heterosexual marriage in the case of infertility. My husband had cancer when he was 10. He has been in remission for 12 years and is considered cured. But, as a result of the chemo, he does not produce any sperm. We decided to use a sperm donor because we want to have the experience and excitement of pregnancy and we really don’t have the money to adopt (though it could still be an option for future children.)But, although I have never thought about it this way before, I am now struggling with the thought that it may be considered adultery. What do you think?

  37. Wow, as I read the comments, I can feel a lot of “judgement” from people who call themselves Christians! This is a complete turn-off. I know of a Christian Woman who unlike this scenario loves men but has had several relationships and ended up repeatedly disappointed. She is now almost 40 yrs old and has no martial options in sight.

    She endures the heartbreak and reality that she may not have children. She has prayed about it and the beating of her biological clock doesn’t fade.

    Her options are to have a child that has her genes (sperm bank) or adoption. Both may require an explanation of how the child go there. Decisions to do either require love, unselfishness and prayer.

    Not many black christian women “want to” go to a sperm bank. I know my friend has cried many nights for answers to her prayers. But now the thought of creating life (even if it is out of order) along with fulfilling and being fulfilled is still an expression of God’s Love.

    There needs to be more love and support instead of critism.

    Be blessed.

  38. Brothers and Sisters,
    We need to get real on this and not dwell too much on the hypothetical.

    1. Since we are based in Nairobi, the issue of sperm banks is most superficial. Current demands on and priorities for any health care provider will not extend to a sperm bank. Afadhali they work on diagnostics, maternity, A&E, physiotherapy, hospice, etc. This therefore means that we should probably not be discussing sperm banks per se but should instead consider the key underlying issue which these sperm banks facilitate – women consciously and deliberately working on starting their own families.

    2. There is an assumption that women opting to go to sperm banks are cynical misandrists who have been hurt by men. Not only are these women robed of agency – their power to choose – they are diminished into hapless victims of a tragic past. Its just too simplistic as examples from present society will show… What about the career women we all know who see family as ‘self actualisation’? And the biological clock? Do all single mums have babies simply because some man tricked them; could it be that they were also complicit? It is important to identify what motivates women to act in this way.

    Some of my campo girlfriends decided to have kids before they got married and true to form, several did. I also have a male colleague who purposed to be a young dad and he now has 2 daughters although he is yet to marry the mother of his children. My point? Women can and do choose when to have families. Men also have the same desire though their level of agency is somewhat diminished.

    That said, at the end of the day, we are all Christians. We may be human but our activities should be determined by Gods will for us. I know that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. But further than that Im at a complete loss of what scripture can speak into this situation…

    Maoni and feedback are most welcome 🙂

  39. I have grown up with my father out my life until now. I personally dont want anyother person around when I have my baby for personal reasons. I dont want to deal with divorce and put my child through anything like that. I dont want my child to be away part of the time with someone who will most likely have different rules then I. This is a problem i see in all cases where a child has to spend time with each parent seperatly. I know it may not be the best choice but I want to be a single mother. I am waiting to have my baby through sperm donation until I have a stable job and I am 100% financially secure. I have many friends who have grown up with only one parent and they are all normal people. No depression or other mental illness from not having both parents. Though we all do share the same thoughts on what it would have been like to know the other parent. You can judge me all you want but I want what is best for my child and myself.

  40. First — Many of these commentors don’t seem very Christian at all. I get a very strong anti-woman/mother vibe wherein they think single Chritian women are angry and hate men. That’s very very sad, and says more about their own lives. Hopefully the commentors have a good pastor to counsel them through their predjudices. Second — Pastor M — the best people to help this woman with her questions would be other women and couples who have used a sperm donor and also men who have donated to a sperm bank. And better yet — try asking the kids how their lives have been, how God has played a role in their lives, how they feel about their parent/parents, and if they would rather have not been born. The website http://www.donorsiblingregistry.com is a great place to start. There are lists and forums and Q&A posts asking these same questions. She can talk to people directly who actual have some basis for opinion (kids, parents, past donors), versus the angry people commenting above who have no actual knowledge of the topic. Also there are links to sperm banks around the country and most of these facilities have their donor list posted, including in some cases the questionnaires from the men donating. I’ve read a few and it warms the spirit how many of them speak of wanting to help these women and couples with the blessing of children. And yes, these women, if single, will have to rely on male friends and family to help as role models, but that would always be the case even if the single Christian woman is married, because it takes a village to raise a child. Every person they interact with helps form that child. If she is concerned about Christian influences, their are many to be had if she does not feel up to the task alone. If she is actually asking about what other “Christians” (ahem) would think of her for having a child by herself, well…she’ll have to decide if she’d rather be childless but in good standing with people who speak with such nastiness or ignore them while she surrounds her child and herself with other good Christians up until the day she may (or may not) find a good Christian man for herself. Tell her I said God Bless whatever she decides, and I will make a prayer for her.

  41. Hi all, thanks for all the open and honest comments to this post. It’s certainly been one of our most commented on topics! Some great ideas, questions and thoughts have been raised through your contributions. The idea is not to cross all the i’s and dot all the t’s but to have a healthy conversation together on a controversial subject. To hear what others out there think.

    I feel it’s important that we learn to listen to others’s opinions on an issue like this without labeling them. I believe that there are some ‘black and white’ issues on which the bible is pretty clear. Then there are others issues that we need to carefully weigh both sides and seek to form a biblical opinion. In the process, we need to be sensitive to real people in those situations, and also careful not to too quickly label those who think differently as ‘sinful’, or alternatively as ‘critical’ or ‘hateful’.

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