Will You Be My Mentor?

mentor2We are a generation that longs for good mentors. For people who’ve gone before us and walked the walk. For people whose  mistakes we can learn from and whose successes we can emulate.

And yet walking up to a person and asking them to be your mentor often won’t yield the best result. It’s almost like asking someone to be your girlfriend before you’ve gotten to know each other. Too close too soon. Acceptance followed by awkwardness. Now that he said yes, where do we go from here? Keep in mind that many of those we want to mentor us haven’t been trained to be mentors!

mentorOften we think of mentoring as a process whereby this wise sage spouts off wisdom while we sit at their feet and soak it all in. In reality, the best mentoring is life-on-life, where we not only listen to this person we admire but we also watch and learn from their day-to-day life and from proximity to them. And you might need several mentors depending on the life stage you are in or the different areas of your life. Examples are professional, business, ministry, marriage and leadership mentors.

So how do you enlist a mentor? A couple of tips I’ve found helpful…

a. Serve – find ways you can serve this person. Do they need someone to do errands for them? Volunteer. Do they need someone to pick their kids from school? Offer to. Sometimes we can’t see what they might need from us. But are you good at something that could be of benefit to them? Offer to do it for them. I remember one young lady who got an excellent mentor because she offered to cook her fine chapattis for her family every month! Serving gives proximity. Proximity provides opportunity. Opportunity to learn by watching your mentor respond to life situations.

b. Treat – invite them to a concert, offer to buy them lunch or coffee, buy them a book you know they’ll like. I often treat my mentors out for a meal, and even if I’m the one who buys each time, I remember I’m the one who needs their wisdom!

c. Be Specific – when you have an opportunity to spend time with your mentor, think through the questions you’re grappling with or issues you’re thinking through. And then ask their opinion. You benefit a lot more from a mentoring relationship if you’re prepared beforehand!

d. Appreciate – remember to thank your mentors regularly. An sms to say what a blessing they’ve been to you, a thank you card etc

mentor3While we’re at it, you learn most from a mentor if you’re also mentoring others. The knowledge we keep the most is that which we apply, and the easiest way to apply is through passing on to others.

Maoni?

P.S. A lifelong reader was asked by friends, ‘How do you get time for it?’ He replied, ‘I don’t get time for it; I take time’.

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18 responses to “Will You Be My Mentor?

  1. Hey Pastor M,

    I have the honour of being first to post a comment! Thanks to the link from the fearless site.

    These are excellent tips on mentorship and I believe this is the way to go for our lives to have maximum impact. In fact I see a sermon on this topic coming soon…

  2. Hey Pst M,

    I’ve so changed my mind about walking up to my would-be mentor and saying “will u mentor me?”

    I like the thought of serving them. I’ve always looked at this as me benefitting from the relationship with my mentor. Never thought of actually being of service to the person that I’d like to be my mentor. Whole plan has been re-thought. Thanks.

  3. Pasi, thx for the timely advice. I agree with you and often feel that my potential mentors wld save me a fair amount of pain by teachin me lessons from their failure n mistakes, and buildin me with their successes. Similarly i’ve wondered how to best mentor those who God has drawn close to me. I’ll apply your tips and see what God has in store for me, my mentors and mentees.

    So where does one sign up to serve you? 🙂

  4. ya wea does one sign up to serve u or pastor s? Its a serious question by the way. ur grate leaders.

  5. @ kibet and unknown, seems to me you’re doing the exact thing the blog post says not to do… which is to ask ‘will you mentor me’ 🙂 My two cents is – make it your problem to get close to those you want to mentor you and find out ways you can serve/connect.

    Thanks Pastor M for a very informative post!

  6. lol! @ marcy … your totally right… ok we’ll stop cheating and find a way round to make the connection 🙂

  7. @ all, thanks for the great comments. And for the wisdom marcy! @ dexo, can’t wait to hear you preach it 🙂

  8. hi pastor M,
    your sermon this Sunday was exactly what i needed. iv been swimming in projects and i just needed a break!my friend though insisted that i go with her to church. I am facing a dry bones situation all over my life,i have relationships that died,and most of all a vision that sometimes i think is too big for me to handle..and as i heard you speak about prophesying to your situation all i could ask myself was how do i know that these dry bones are what God wants me to raise?pastor M,how do we know what is God’s will and what is our own?which dry bones are ours to raise?
    there is a poem that is often said by recovering alcoholic-lord,give me the serenity to accept things i cannot change,the courage to change things i can and the wisdom to know the difference. so in a world full of dead bones,which bones do i revive and which are those God does not want me to change?where does God’s will start and where does my own end?
    i ask this because pastor M am one of those “activists” you talked of and my passion almost burns me into a fever and i may want something so bad but may be wasting my time because God may not want me to go down that road.so if a friendship has come to difficult patch,if a there is something just impossible in our lives,when do we know that God does not want us to give up and when do we know that God wants us to see it as Ezekiel?
    please help 😦

  9. hi pastor M. i nid a mentor badly. badly!! how do i go about finding sm1 to tok to. married prefferably? wld lv to tok to you but i figured ud be busy. wishi cd even im u.

  10. I do not know if am out of the topic, but I need and answer really quick coz am in a mix…I have a pal who has recently decided she now gay,how do I deal with a pal who believes in homosexuality and she is saved, I have invited her to church to try and convert her but the problem is I have already showed her am okay with her orientation and the guilt is killing me help me Pastor M, people like me need Mentors coz I know all about Christianity but it reaches a point in our lives were we get confused of what we believe in anymore!!

  11. @ Njesh, you’re at a good place right now because having known ‘all about Christianity’,you are questioning what you truly know. I believe that doubt can move us from complacency to truly chasing after God. I encourage you to do/redo Mizizi, and grapple with the questions you have. Regarding your friend, you did the right thing to show acceptance of her, though you need to be honest and let her know you don’t agree with her perspective. It’s not your job to ‘convert’ her – that’s God’s job. Yours is to pray for her, be her friend, let her see your love for God(struggles and all), and answer questions as honestly as you can. Inviting her to a church where she can experience God’s grace is definitely a good step. Maybe you can do Mizizi together?

    @Kaiza, I preached a set of messages earlier this year called ‘Dare To Dream’ during which I answered many of the questions you are asking. If you didn’t hear that, you could order the CD’s at the dome as a good place to start. As Dexo mentioned, Mizizi may also be a good thing to do as one of the things it will help you do is connect with your purpose.

    @girl with issues,please come to the prayer tent after church as you’ll find someone who you can pray with. If you like, you could specify that you’d like to pray with a married prayer counselor.

  12. Pastor,
    I had only heard about Mavuno & what you are doing in this city of ours that NEEDS the likes of you. Watching Capital Talk on K24 recently, I saw you for the first time ever. So I landed here, read your articles and… yeah! Let me just say GOD BLESS YOU! Keep up the good work. Am not a prophet, but I can assure you this. Your crown in heaven will NOT be a thimble or wedding ring size.
    Baraka tele.

  13. Pastor M, I feel the need for a mentor but I feel so lost,like I need to sort me out before I invite anyone to help me walk the right path…but first dont I need to get off the wrong one. Is thea a ‘state of undress’ that needs to be dealt with b4u starting serving someone you want to be your mentor?
    I am in week 8 of mizizi and I still feel so lost..help??

  14. Hi Pastor M, I have really been blessed since i joined Mavuno a few months ago! This month you have taught us about money and how we need to get out of debt and manage God’s business better. Here is a case scenario that i need your help on. I lost my job sometime back and during that period I was pregnant and later was blessed with a baby who then became very ill and was admitted for about 10 days (note we both – my hubby and i) had no income at the time and so we had to borrow from friends and family to offset the huge medical bill. meanwhile we had rent and school fees to pay which only meant more borrowing to meet these needs including borrowing from shylocks (and you know how bad that can be when not paid on time). I finally got a job recently but my debts are way way over what i earn and i feel like all is closing in on me. I tried to talk to the shylocks following your advice in your book on Financial Fitness (GREAT BOOK) but they have refused to accept to stop the interest and have been threatening me.I am really lost and i dont know how to come out of the pit of debt – i have lost some very good friends because of the money i owe them. I have been tithing since i joined mavuno (something i had never done before) but with each month the pressure is mounting and am scared that this will affect my health as am in constant worry. I now accept that i have not been managing my finances well. I want to be right with God because i know only then will i prosper and touch others. would you help me please? God bless you

  15. lol!!!!ati asking someone to be ur mentor is like asking a mama to be ur chick? lol nice stuff!!!

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