18 Marriage Lessons…

To commemorate the 18 great years since I married my college sweetheart, I took some time to think through 18 lessons that I’ve learnt about marriage in that time. Please vote for your top 3 and I promise to expound on them in a blog post soon! So… here goes…

1. A great marriage consists of two good friends - everything else is hype
2. A cord of three strands is not easily broken
3. If one of us wins, we both lose
4. You’ll never meet all your spouses needs!
5. Marriage takes mutual sacrifice
6. Divorce is not an option
7. Our marriage is the means to an end
8. We need a common approach to parenting
9. We need a common approach to in-laws
10. Takes a lot of time to get it right!
11. If you can’t lend trust, don’t get married!
12. Opposites attract! And soon attack
13. These are the ‘good old days’
14. If the grass is greener on the other side, water yours!
15. Don’t be a ‘child centered’ marriage
16. Absence makes the heart go wander
17. Parenting is a team sport
18. Schedule spontaneity!

So… voting lines are open Please let me know which three you’d like to hear more about!

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Thanks to all who voted! Will let you know soon which the three winners were. Watch this space!

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AND THE WINNERS ARE…

#4 – You’ll never meet all your spouses needs!

#7 – Our marriage is the means to an end

#1 – A great marriage consists of two good friends – everything else is hype

The people have spoken

Learning From Tragedy

Read this powerful story by John Tiller an inspirational speaker and writer who blogged on Michael Hyatt’s blog (one of my favorite bloggers – the blogpost also includes a video). Thought it was worth sharing!

John has what I call an ‘old fashioned faith’. By that, I mean in the best possible way, that he is one who has faith in God regardless of the inevitable storms that life hurls. We always have a choice when life happens. In words spoken a couple of thousand years ago but still as fresh and relevant today, Jesus said… ‘in this world you will face trouble but take heart, I have overcome the world’.

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On January 9th, 2003, my life was going according to the plan that I had envisioned. I was thankful for many things. At the top of the list was my healthy three-year-old, Eli. I had no idea that everything could change so quickly.

On that day, our precious toddler pulled a little red Playskool chair across his playroom under an open window. He then climbed upon the chair, hoisted himself over the window sill, and pushed out the protective screen.

Just moments later my wife went searching for him, noticed the empty room and the missing screen, looked out the window and witnessed our only child laying lifeless on the asphalt driveway thirteen-feet below.

Eli had suffered a severe head trauma and was med-flighted to the nearest university hospital. For the next three weeks, no matter how hard I pressed, doctors could not tell me if he would survive.

He did survive, but our lives would never be the same. Here are three leadership lessons that I’ve learned through this life-altering event:

The Ressurection Of Healthy Dating…

Here are a couple of charts on the progress of a dating relationship. The first shows what many relationships today look like. The second shows what they could look like if some radical couples dared to defy the madness and swim against the culture. Do you hope to enter a dating relationship, are you in one already or do you know some people who may need your wisdom and advise one of these days? Then read on!

Dating Books

I mentioned a couple of books by Joshua Harris this past weekend during the ‘Buyer’s Remorse’ sermon, which was part 3 of the Finder’s Keeper’s series. You can watch the video here or join the conversation…

Tired of the madness that dating has become today? Wanting to avoid the mistakes that so many around you have made? Wondering if there’s a better way? Harris in ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ shares his real-life story of giving up on dating and focusing on being the one.

Same author, different context. So you’ve found a person you’re attracted to and want to take the next step. Harris makes the case for courtship, an approach as different from modern-day dating as day is to night. He shares his own story as well as that of others who’ve taken this counter-cultural approach, to show you that yes, it is possible! The appendix includes ’8 Great Courtship Conversations’. As in people today have so forgotten how to have a real conversation! You’ll enjoy this one.

Read any good dating books that you can recommend to people hoping to one day meet the one, or people who are already in a dating relationship? Please leave a comment!

Excerpts From ‘Be The One’

Here are some excerpts from this past weekend’s message at Mavuno Church, ‘Be The One’. You can join the conversation at www.mavuno.wordpress.com. And you’re welcome to join us for part two of the ‘Finders Keepers’ series this next weekend!

• Whether conscious or unconscious, we all come to relationships with a list of expectations.
• There’s a big problem with our mate selection criteria today.
• Sometimes the bible has more drama than a Mexican soap-opera!
• Humans perform differently under test conditions than they do in real life.
• If you operate by that external focus, then your only choice once you finally meet the person of your dreams is manipulation.
• Looking for a Mr/Ms Right to satisfy your needs is transfering the responsibility for our joy/significance/happiness/self esteem to another person. But this is a burden we should never assign to another human being because they’re bound to disappoint!
• Stop the insanity! Shift your focus! It’s only when we turn to God that He helps us to become the person we were meant to be.
• Clingy, desperate women tend to attract uncaring, insensitive men… and vice versa!
• Like attracts like. A relationship only compounds the state it found you in! Lose the list, you are your own best list… you’ll only attract people who are like you.
• Unhealthy people attract other unhealthy people, with complimentary dysfunctions.
• Stop searching for the One, be the One.
• Only a whole person can attract another whole person.

In Pursuit of Joy!

The word ‘joy’ is very different from the word ‘happiness’. Happiness is defined as ‘a state of well-being and contentment based on good fortune’. In other words, happiness is dependent on outward circumstances. Joy, on the other hand, is the inner security that comes from knowing that God has the final word!

There’s more!

Happiness is an emotional response. Joy is a state of being.

Happiness springs up from the things we have; joy comes from God who has us.

Happiness is temporary; joy is lasting.

Happiness is unpredictable, but joy is constant as long as we trust in God.

Happiness covers up discouragement, but joy overcomes discouragement.

Happiness is a thermometer that changes based on the environment around us. Joy is a thermostat with which we regulate the effect of the environment around us.

Happiness is good to have, but joy is essential!

May God’s joy be your strength in 2012

2011 in review

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 15,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 6 sold-out performances for that many people to see it! What?!

Visitors came from Kenya, USA, UK, Canada, Haiti, The Bahamas, Jamaica, Brazil, Columbia, Bolivia, Chile, Ecuador, Iceland, Poland, Germany, Hungary, Singapore, India, Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia, Australia, New Zealand, Zambia, South Africa, Tanzania and Guinea-Bissau! I had no idea!

Posts that got the most views included ‘My Real Employment Contract‘, ‘Sperm Bank Baby‘, ‘Open Letter To Finance Minister‘, ‘Life Stages‘ and ‘When It Doesn’t Make Sense‘

Thanks to all my readers for keeping up with what I had to say!

#HatersNoMore

This month we’ve been going through a series at Mavuno called ‘Haters No More’. We’re learning that it’s time to stop hating on our country and our leaders every time we speak because by doing so, we cut ourselves down. Instead God is giving us a counter-cultural call to be people of honor, not because of who leads us but because of who He is. We also learnt that honor goes beyond mere words to positive action. You can see summaries of the series and people’s responses here.

So… last weekend, a large # of people across the different Mavuno churches committed to take part in a 30-day ‘HatersNoMore’ challenge. For the next 30 days (Nov 21st – Dec 21st), we will commit to positively honor those who God has appointed to be leaders over us… whether national, civic, spiritual, social or at home. We will look for opportunities every day to either pray for, affirm or bless someone in leadership over us.

Some great stories came in yesterday, which was Day #1. On the mavuno blog, Muthoni committed to make amends with her mom, who she hasn’t spoken to in over a year, ‘because i wouldn’t want to be in the same position as a mother of a 19 year old daughter myself’. On my FB wall, Charity confessed she has surprised herself by saying something nice about the Nairobi City Council! On twitter (#HatersNoMore), RookieKe made a call that was overdue by 10 years! It lasted only 1.20min but it was a start. Kevansweli made up with his dad. Mes Teiy committed to ask the local councilor and police how to pray for them. The revolution begins!

If you haven’t yet joined the #HatersNoMore challenge, start today. And please share what activations you come up with and the results if any!

God bless

My Real Employment Contract

Here’s the declaration prayer we prayed at Mavuno Church this last weekend as well as our new employment contract. If you’re tired of working for money, make this your prayer and sign the contract!

Dear Lord,
I thank You that You are my provider. I embrace my current position as a kingdom posting.  I will work to extend your influence there until you direct me elsewhere. I renounce fear and complacency and choose to serve You as my employer to the best of my creativity and ability. I declare that my position is secured by You and not by any human being. I will not be intimidated by anyone or compromise my faith to fit in. I declare that my workplace is under God’s influence because I work there. My office will be my altar and place of worship. I declare that all the enemies
who work against me will be opposed by God himself. My priority will be to extend Your influence wherever you place me. May I bring glory and honor to You in all I do. And according to Your promise, I know that I will walk in the plenty of your kingdom prosperity & provision all the days of my life.  AMEN

CONTRACT OF EMPLOYMENT

Entered into between: The Lord God (hereinafter referred to as “the employer”)

Of physical address: Heaven, earth and everywhere else in between

And

……………………………………………………………. (herein after referred to as “the employee”)

1. Commencement
This contract will begin immediately and continue until terminated as set out in clause 4.

2. Place of work
Your kingdom assignment, which shall be revealed to you continually as you faithfully serve in your current posting

3. Job description
Job Title – Kingdom Brand Representative

Duties
a. To stand against injustice
b. To pray for the peace and prosperity of your workplace
c. To ensure that as few of your colleagues end up in hell as possible
d. To do all you can to represent the employer’s brand well and extend His influence
e. Any other duties as may be assigned to you by the employer

4. Termination of employment (Refer to Guidelines Hebrews 13:5)
This contract carries lifelong tenure and is irrevocable.

5. Wages (See Guidelines cited below) The employee shall be entitled to the following allowances/payment in kind:

5.1	Generous remuneration (Philippians 4:19)	Ksh………….
5.2	Accommodation allowance (John 14:2)	Ksh………….
5.3	Clothing allowance (Matthew 6:30)	Ksh………….
5.4	Meals per diem (Matthew 6:31)	Ksh………….
5.5	Security detail (Psalm 27:1)	Ksh………….
5.6	Reimbursement of all work-related expenses (Luke 18:29-30)	Ksh………….
5.7	Health cover including mental health insurance (Isaiah 53:5, Philippians 4:7)	Ksh………….
5.8	Employee share-options (John 15:15)	Ksh………….
5.9	Retirement benefits (Revelation 22:3-5)	Ksh………….
5.3	TOTAL: The total value of the above remuneration to you is…	Ksh………….

THUS DONE AND SIGNED AT …………………………………………. ON THIS ………… DAY OF …………………………. 20…

The Lord God

EMPLOYER                                                                                  EMPLOYEE

For a transcript of the entire message, please check here.

What’s Your Money Style?

Your Money Style Quiz

INSTRUCTIONS
1. Circle the answer that BEST describes you. Only circle one answer per question
2. Please note that this is a self-evaluation quiz. You will not need to share your answers with someone else. So… please keep it real and be as truthful as possible!

Okay… here goes…

1. You’re out shopping for clothes when you spot the perfect outfit. It suits you to a T! Only one problem: It’s way out of your budget. What do you do?
a. Buy it before your conscience says no. Plastic is power!
b. Mutter under your breath about the shop’s outrageous prices and wait for the outfit to go on sale.
c. Buy it, agonize over your purchase all night long, and then take them back the next day.